Jesus Was a Pimp?

This blog owes a lot to Del Parsons and a very awkward painting of Jesus (if you’re curious about the title of this post you have to check out that link).  So in effort to honor that legacy we must point out the glory of perhaps the most awkward painting of Jesus of all time.

Everything about this painting is awesome. I’m not sure what my favorite part is but let me point a few of them out in no particular order

  1. The hole Jesus is apparently standing in
  2. The baby orangutan
  3. The inconsistent light sources
  4. Adam’s dislocated hips and birthing posture
  5. Is that the sun or the moon?
  6. A miniature giraffe AND a dwarf tiger symbolizing male virility

awkward jesus paintingThere seem to be a few hints to me in the painting that the artist might have some Mormon influences but wasn’t for sure (Eve in particular). My suspicions were a bit confirmed by this painting of Mitt Romney welcoming a new child’s birth.  But the artist’s resume seems to indicate that he has many Evangelical connections.  Sorry Mormon friends, the brilliance of this painting appears to belong entirely to the Evangelical subculture.

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16 thoughts on “Jesus Was a Pimp?

  1. The first marriage Jesus performed… Do you, Adam, take this lovely, naked woman to be your bride? If so, I will heal your hip displasia so you can be a strong, naked man who can procreate. If not, well, I guess I’ll give her to the tiger. And things will be a lot weirder 6000 years from now.

  2. I love that Adam has a hairless face and body and neatly groomed haircut. Perhaps body hair is a result of the fall? Pretty sure I’m on to something. This painting is so bad it’s great. It belongs at the Holy Land Experience in Orlando.

  3. I agree, not all artists do a good job.

    To bad you did not mention this last week, there was a free exhibit of Arnold Friberg’s “lost work” in down town Salt Lake City. In truth, the lost works were some of his drawings he used to refine how he wanted his final painting to be. If you are into art, it was worth it. I think th web site is still up if you are interested.

    If you like Arnold Friberg’s work and are willing to pay, there is an exhibit of most of his work in the Gulivan Center.. until December.

  4. What lecture is Jesus giving Adam?

    “Adam, dammit! Pay attention, stop looking into Eve’s eyes. . .Seriously, cover those loins and name that beast gawking at your abs!”

  5. I looked at this painting a half-dozen times and noted all sorts of things in it… then one day, someone asked, “Why is Jesus wearing clothes but they aren’t?”

    Good question. If Creation involved being naked and unashamed, should the Creator mimic that?

    Or, since heaven is a realm where what people/creatures are “dressed up in” is noted, does what Jesus is wearing in the painting reveal a hint of the apparel of the Kingdom to come?

    Either way, good observation. Wish I noticed it the first time.

  6. A equally compelling question is why does Jesus seem to have a physical body that would need to be covered? Is Jesus’ body just a costume he wears, and did he wear it before and after the incarnation?

  7. Hi! I’m a native of Omaha, and not that interested in the LDS even though they have a strong heritage in the area. I also had a great aunt who was Reorganized. I was trained to be an artist, but have very strongly rebelled against it for numerous reasons as I grew up in the 1960s and 70s. I am Evangelical and I really do not like Christian art quite literally from the Renaissance on. The picture you show makes me cringe and laugh. Sunday School material is silly to me. Roman Catholic depictions of glory and martyrdom are fairy tales and nonsense. I like some of Carl Bloch’s work but like much of 19th Century genre art its horribly sentimental. Angel depictions irritate me, when did angels become putie and Nike? When did Christ become North European? Christianity is hard enough to believe as it is for the average person who isn’t called to be one, but why would anyone believe in it based on the fairy tale and unreal depictions of Christian and semi-Christian artists?

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